I really want to be gone on the road, but here I sit, in this cozy little trailer, all to myself. Watching all of my favorite videos and DVD’s (I am leaving them here) Rain Man, Pulp Fiction, Saving Private Ryan, When Trumpets Fade, Rooster Cogburn, High Plains Drifter…
Got up early and went to “Sail Honeymoon” grabbed a kayak for a couple of hours, not to long, but just long enough to really make myself melancholy. My soul has been wrenching for a month with the angst of having to leave this area and travel far far away. I don’t want to go.
My friend Kristina asked me “Why do you move so much?” As I answered, I actualized what I had figured out months ago, why I choose to move so much. I have more or less been on my own since I was 15. I never had a family around, except my older sister, never had a place to call home. Somehow along the way, I lost what it was to be me, if I even ever had it. I think I really have never l felt completely at ease with myself, I have always looked for a place or a feeling to make me content. But finally, I figured out "Wherever I go, hey, there I am" I have learned what it takes to wake up positive and ready to face everyday. It’s not really a difficult; meditate until all the questions that run around through your head are silent. By meditating I just like to be outside doing stuff, like fishing or kayaking, running, walking, biking and I let all of those questions, feelings and ideas play through until I can feel that I can let go, or figure out a solution to whatever it is bothering me.
I think the answer to happiness is learning to let go…..